


rough boyz

by AlasPoorAndy



Category: Bandom, The Who
Genre: Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6597598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlasPoorAndy/pseuds/AlasPoorAndy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i got real drunk one night at a party, and i came home at 4 a.m, and i thought, you know what would be a good idea? </p><p>i didn't edit it the next morning, i just cried a little and decided to post it to the internet for everyone to see as an apology for torturing you guys with "don't save me because i don't need it"</p>
            </blockquote>





	rough boyz

**Author's Note:**

> the real origin of 'rough boys'. it haunts me.

I am drunk on 1873 Lillet aperitif wine as I write this oh shit it’s lit

2016—the who are young, fresh, and just about to get real famous

Pete was digging through old boxes in the basement of the house he was renting, trying to find an old notebook with the lyrics for a song he was itching to finish. He searched through boxes filled with old photo-albums CD’s books magazines and ancient iPods that were now relics and would probably be revived as a new retro aesthetic in a few years so they were worth holding onto just get off my back okay?

He was exhausting all the places he could look for the notebook. and the fact that the universe seemed to be conspiring against him was frustrating him more than the actual predicament and hand, He just wanted the damn lyrics. 

There was one more box tucked away in the very dusty dark corner of the laundry room in his basement near the hot water tank Pete braved himself against the cobwebs and ventured forth

“What the fuck is in here Pete said.

He dug through the box. There were 12 ipod classics in there, all gifts from his mother, with the exact same engravings on them: 

“Happy birthday Petey love mum xxxxx 2001”  
Happy birthday Petey love mum xxxx 2002  
Happy Christmas Petey love mum xxxxx 2003  
Your dad and I are getting a divorce happy birthday Petey xxxxx 2004  
Happy birthday Petey love mum xxxx 2005   
Happy birthday Petey love mum xxx 2006”

Oh, what good memories. His mother and him always loved to joke around with each other like that. The ipods were sort of their inside joke—every time there was bad news, he got an ipod before his mother had to sit down and tell him. 

Back to the box—under the 12 ipod classics and the Muse posters he kept from his childhood bedroom, he didn\t find the blue spiral notebook, but Pete did find a blank CD in a paper envelope. Pete had stopped making his own CD’s when he started putting his music on Myspace. Curious he took the CD out of the slip. In permanent marker, there was one curious title written on the front. 

“rough boyz”

Curious, Pete examined the CD. He didn’t remember making anything with that title. He didn’t remember if any of his friends made it for him as a present, He didn’t have a single clue as to where it came from. Curious, he went back upstairs to his laptop, opening the drive and stuffing the CD in. it wasn’t a song, but a video The media player opened up and Pete sat back, watching curiously.

There was a black screen, with a dank thumping hip hop beat in the background, slowly getting louder and louder. Suddenly in white text text popped up on the screen: “ROUGH BOYZ”

Curious, Pete watched even closer.

The black faded to a shot of three men in an abandoned warehouse with their backs to the camera, as the beat picked up into a rip off of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” from his hit album, “The BLack Album”. 

Suddenly, the man in the middle spun around and started rapping. It was none other than….Roger Daltrey!

“What the heck am I watching”, Pete said.

Roger started throwing down some sick bars. “Ye it’s da rough boyz / we’re here to move you and groove you / our rhymes are sick and we’re gonna seduce you”

Roger was wearing some wild floral printed jacket with no shirt underneath a backwards baseball cap bright orange hot shorts and he had golden grills on his teeth. The other two members were dressed exactly thre same as him, doing background dancing.

“Roger Daltrey looks so hot here, I am confused but I want to have sex with him,” Pete thought to himself allowed.

The man on the left turned around, and it was none other than….Lou Reed, of the Velvet underground!

“Yo, it’s Baby Lou / I look really shifty but I swear I’m nice / I’ll melt ya girl and make her wet like she’s ice”

“Holy fuck,” Pete said.

The man on the right turned around, and it was none other than… Jim Morrison from the doors!

“Hold up, we dem boyz / we’re not here to just mix and mingle, / we want you to buy our new single.”

“I’m interested in same-sex experimentation now,” Pete said.

There was more sick beats and, and they cut to the three men posing seductively against rusty iron grates elsewhere in the abandoned factory. 

Roger, with his leg kicked up along the railing, kept singing. “rock and roll is just a phase, but rap is here to stay.”

“It’s assumed that we dominate the game / but I’ll assume missionary position with your sister / fuck you,” Lou Reed spat.

Jim Morrisson sucked on his finger seductively. “Yeah I’m the edgy one of the bunch / but I’m really broody and emotional too I’m not afraid to say it / so DJ crank up that beat and let’s play it / Pamela please call me back I miss you”

“Yeah, I’m the wild one of the bunch,” Lou Reed rapped. “I’m bisexual and really quirky / got dick in my mouth like it’s gas station beef jerky”

“And I’m the sweetheart of the gang,” Roger sang. “Even though I’m every boy’s wet dream / people trust me so I have lots of success in pyramid schemes”.

Then they cut to the three of them dancing shirtless, swaying there hips and grinding against poles and they were covered in oil. 

“rough boys” they chorused. “we respect women.”  
“rough boys, we like to cuddle each other sometimes”  
“rough boys, we like to assert our dominance in front of other guy gangs”  
“rough boys, we like to express ourselves through art”

Then the music slowed down and the camera got in real close on their handsome faces and they sang in deeper voices and touched themselves sensually in front of the camera.

“It’s important to stay true to yourself” Roger sang.

“That’s why we’re experimenting with our music,” Jim sang. “And our sexualities,” Lou Reed added.

The beat dropped and they went back to full gangsta rapping, “THAT’S WHY THEY CALL US THE ROUGH BOYZ”

Smoke poured out on the warehouse floor and they started break dancing, but in a sexy way, And Jim showed off his gold chains and Roger licked his gold teeth and Lou Reed through up gang signs. At the end of the song they shouted “ROUGH BOYZ” and posed in front of the camera.

Pete woke up in a cold sweat, screaming. Roger rushed into the room to comfort him.

“Pete what’s wrong babe Roger said.

“I had a terrible nightmare.” Pete whimpered. “Oh god it was sexy and terrifying and the same time”.

“It’s okay darling,” Rogert stroked his hair soothingly. “Want to talk about it?”

Pete looked up at him as Roger cradled him in his arms soothingly. Roger gave him a reassuring smile, and Pete swore he saw a gold glimmer on his teeth

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry


End file.
